You got problems? I've got a fix. Not solutions, just a fix. You see, we're all looking for solutions; but until then, we could just use a quick fix.
That fix is this. You need someone to blame. And this week we have that fall guy. Your problems and all that is wrong with the world are because of the actions . . . . no, . . . make that the very existence of those evil, unconscionable bastards at
MISSOURI STATE!!!
Spawned from a long line of evildoers, the Missouri State Bears think they're going to waltz into Autzen and mess with our Ducks, our way of life, and America.
Lineage of Evil
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| Satan, original evildoer |
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| Hitler |
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| Darth Vader |
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| That Dr. who put Michael Jackson to sleep. |
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| And finally, the Missouri State Bears. |
OK, I hear you saying "Huh?" Let me level with you. Missouri State is 0-2. They were picked to finish last in a conference that features such powerhouses as Northern Iowa, Western Illinois, and Youngstown State. They're going to stand in the same stadium as the Ducks for only as long as they have to so Oregon can hand them a check for $440,000. Then they're on the next plane back to that crown jewel of the Ozarks --Springfield, Missouri.
"Springfield, Missouri? Hell, they're a bunch of backward, mouth-breathin' rednecks!"
--Quote by backward, mouth-breathin' redneck from Springfield, Oregon.
This game will be so lopsided, Las Vegas isn't even showing a point spread. It would be like betting against Special Olympiads. Comcast Sportsnet NW is the only network televising it. If you don't have Comcast, you can find them at a bar or go to GoDucks.com and order a month of O-Zone to watch them on your computer. Or there's always the radio.
If you watch this just to watch football, you'll be bored by halftime. So my advice is make it more interesting for yourself. Lay all your burdens and cares on Misery State. Everything that's wrong in your world, blame it on Misery State. That bill collector who keeps calling you? From Misery State. The guy who flipped you off at the intersection last week? Big time Misery State fan. Your ex-wife plays for Misery State.
OK. NOW watch your Ducks pummel them. Much more satisfying, right?
Game time Saturday, 12:30 Pacific on Comcast Sportsnet or O-Zone Online.
--KB
1 comment:
Thanks KILLER BEE you just made this game funner to watch.
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