Friday, August 28, 2009

I'll never do that again.

Thinking back to my college days, I remember one time when I was a freshman and some of my dormmates were talking about "jello shots".  I never heard of 'em.
"What are those," I asked.
"It's finger jello mixed with hard alcohol like Everclear," said some girl from the big city.
"Oh . . . . What's finger jello?"
"It's jello you can eat with your fingers, DUHHHHHH."
"Oh . . . . What's Everclear?"


Anyway, I'm eating this orange jello with my fingers and it's really good. It tastes just like orange jello and nothing more. I didn't have any dinner that night so I ate a lot of orange jello.
Then I saw that girl from the big city. The music was loud and the lights were low. I talked to her. She smiled and talked back. We talked for hours. We laughed and smiled.
Funny thing though as I look back, those hours were actually only about a minute. She had her back to me the whole time; and my face was stuck between the cushions of an old dirty couch. That whole conversation happened in my head.


I went upstairs to my room and lay down. An hour later I awoke to someone trying to set my bed on fire. But when I yelled at him he disappeared through a wall so I knew he wasn't real. That was a relief.
I got an urge and speed-walked to the bathroom and . . . shall we say . . . orally purged myself of all the orange jello. Mind you the seat was down and I can't say my aim was very good.  I felt bad. The bathroom was for the whole floor and I just made it disgusting.


Then under the toilet tank I noticed a good sized bottle of that aqua-blue toilet cleaner. You know, it's that stuff you put in the tank and it turns your water blue for 5000 flushes and smells really clean.  I didn't put it in the tank though. I just poured it all directly into the bowl. Mind you the seat was down and I can't say my aim was very good.


Anyway I went back to bed. And when I woke up at noon the next day, I went to the bathroom and looked in that stall.


It looked something like this. . . . .


\/


\/


\/


\/


\/

Funny thing though as I look back, I don't remember eating that onion ring . . .
--kb 

No comments: