Dark Days of the Purple Haze

[Recently, my grandson came up to me and asked me a very good question: ]

Papa, why do we hate the Huskies?

Well, all through the ‘80’s and early ‘90’s they ruled the west coast and even the nation at one point. They got drunk with their power and dominance. Their fans became mean and arrogant, ambivalent and uncompassionate of others. They took away many of our freedoms. They put us down and didn’t allow us to say what we believed.
As they gained in power, they swaggered around. Their band used to march on our field and play our own fight song in a waltz. They smashed our visitors’ locker rooms. But it wasn’t just in the stadium. It spilled out into the streets.
When we walked downtown, Husky fans would point and laugh at us. They would cut in front of us in line at Denny’s.

Wow Papa. That sounds terrible.

Terrible? You don’t know the half of it. Let me ask you something, when you went to school today, did you wear your Duck hat?

Of course Papa. You always flick me in the ear when I don’t.

Never mind that. Now I’d like to know something. Any time you’ve worn your Duck hat, has anyone dressed in purple come up to you, ripped your hat off your head, taken a crap in it, then squashed it back on your head again?

(GASP) Papa, NO! That’s NEVER happened.

And it never will as long as we don’t allow the “Dark Days of the Purple Haze” to come back ever again.

Gee Papa, that sounds scary. What else did the Huskies do?

Tell me, boy. What’s your favorite T.V. show?

SpongeBob SquarePants.

Mine too. But you know back then, you couldn’t watch SpongeBob?

Because it didn’t exist?

WHO’S TELLING THIS STORY, YOU OR ME?

Sorry, Papa.

It wasn’t on because back then the children were only allowed to watch one show. A horrible, mind numbing propaganda tool about a purple dinosaur!

You mean Barney?

You’ve seen him?

Well, ya. He’s on sometimes. I don’t really care for him.

Back then, boy. We all detested him and everything he stood for.

But Papa, he never really talks about Husk-

HE’S PURPLE, ISN’T HE?!?!?!

Yes Papa. . . . So what else did the Huskies do?

Back then, we weren’t allowed to email any of our Duck friends.

You weren’t?

Nope. Every time you tried to log on, all you got was a busy signal.

The Huskies controlled the computers?

Boy, the Huskies were the cause of everything that was wrong with the world.

Wow! What else did the Huskies do, Papa?

Well . . . . . I’m not sure if I should tell you this . . . . I don’t know if your Mom and Dad have told you the truth about Santa Claus, have they?

Oh Papa, (tears welling up) some older kids at school told me he’s not real! They’re liars, aren’t they, Papa? TELL ME HE’S REAL!

Oh yes, yes, yes. Santa Clause IS REAL . . . . . . . at least he was.

What? . . . . You mean Santa is DEAD?

Well, no one knows for sure. The last known present delivered by him was Christmas Eve, 1991. A small boy in a Spokane children’s hospital had asked for a little stuffed cougar. Stories have it that after Santa delivered that present he climbed out of the chimney, only to find his reindeer lying on the ground below. Dozens of arrows were sticking out of them every which-way.

OH NO. So what happened to Santa?

Well, one witness said he lost sight of Santa when he jumped off the roof; after which . . . (sigh) . . . . the terrible sound of ferocious dogs filled the air. Growling, barking, snapping. . . . .
Since that time, the grown-ups have had to take over all the present buying and wrapping and delivering. But like I say, no one knows for sure. He could still be alive. We just have to believe that he is. I believe. And I also believe that one day, they’ll let him go.
So son, do you understand now why we hate the Huskies?

I . . . I guess so . . . But I have a question?

What’s that?

Well Papa, you once told me that hating is bad. And that hate is what causes all the wars and violence and sadness in the world. And at church, my Sunday school teacher tells me we should love our enemies, and forgive those who have treated us bad. So I was just wondering, shouldn’t we try to forgive the Huskies for the way they treated us back then, and try NOT to act that way towards them? Because wouldn’t that make us as bad as they were? Would it, Papa?

[This young, amazing boy was clearly wise beyond his years. Right then it occurred to me that what I had been telling him was wrong. I had to make it my personal responsibility to make amends and give him the words he needed to send him on the right path.]

Boy, . . . . I haven’t been completely honest with you. You see, the truth is . . . that . . . . . the Huskies . . . well, they . . . . they really did kill Santa Claus. I saw it myself.

(Sniff, sob) I hate them. I HATE THE HUSKIES!!!

There, there now. Sit down here with me and hand me the remote. Let’s see if we can find us some SpongeBob. He hates the Huskies too, you know . . . .

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"Welcome back to 'Barney and Friends', boys and girls.

Hey you, little boy in the front row with the green hat. That's a nice hat. It's got a ducky on it and everything.

Can I see it? Don't worry I'll give it right back.

Thanks. . . . Ya, that's nice. Where'd you get it?

Oh, from Santa, huh? Do you like Santa? . . . Ya?

Tell me something, kid. How big of a crap do you think a dinosaur like me makes . . .?"