"Mr. Kelly? I'm the facilities manager at the Rose Bowl here in Pasadena. We just found your football players' brains. They're here in a duffel bag marked 'jock straps'. Sorry about that. I hope you weren't missing them."
That is the only way I can figure how this group of guys went from brilliant to stupid faster than the fans could take down their Rose Bowl decorations and carefully put them in the attic for another 15 years.
Let us recap:
Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry are accused of entering the SAE's house and stealing stuff. (Holy Moly! Is that my laptop, Masoli?) Garrett Embry has been kicked off the team because that was just the latest of a series of stupids he's committed. Up til now, the investigation was ongoing.
Meanwhile, just literally around the corner the Ducks' poor kicker Rob Beard nearly got his head kicked in by a couple of thugs for no apparent reason. Funny story . . . turns out there was an apparent reason. These thugs were responding to a very drunk Beard forearming a 19-year old, 90-pound girl and knocking her to the ground. He pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault, but maintains he was too drunk to remember pushing her.
Defensive end Matt Simms got some revenge on the guy who beat up Beard. Too bad he pummelled an innocent person. He's off the team.
Sophomore linebacker Kiko Alonso was charged with DUI. Rumor spread that Kelly kicked him off the team. But it wasn't true. He just suspended him from playing for a season.
But that didn't stop wide receiver Jamere Holland from believing it was true. And he decided his Facebook Page was called Facebook because it was the perfect forum to FACE his football coach. He called Coach Kelly's decision "Weak, weak, (bathroom word) (bathroom word)". My favorite line -- and unfortunately I can't find the exact quote now -- was when Holland said something like, "Look at me. I made some bad decisions and I'm still on the team."
I was envisioning Chip Kelly's Facebook Page the following day (assuming he had one) where at the very top it always asks, "What are you doing right now?"
Kelly: "Kicking Jamere Holland's stupid ass off the team."
Then just in time for Valentines Day, Springfield police arrested Oregon starting running back LaMichael James on Feb. 17 on suspicion of strangulation, fourth degree assault and menacing of his alleged girlfriend. He was then required to wear an electronic bracelet, prompting laughing OSU fans to send me this:
New part of Duck uniforms
and this . . .
Oregon 2010 Media Guide
That brings us to today. The Eugene DA annouced they will charge Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry with 2nd degree robbery -- a felony.
Also, LaMichael James will change his plea. He had earlier pled 'not guilty'. Word is he will change it to 'no contest' and get probation, battering spouse counseling, etc.
All three, coincidentally, will appear in court on Friday. Kelly said he will have a decision on Masoli and LaM. J. Friday -- probably after their court appearances.
What will happen to Masoli and LaM. J.? The blog and twitter talk (which is about as reliable as trying to hold water in your hands) suggests the following:
LaM. J. will get a multiple game suspension.
Masoli? He's gone, not just for allegedly committing this crime, but also for lying to Coach Kelly about it afterwards.
The following is an interview by Kelly on ESPN's Outside the Lines February 23rd. I'll leave you with it while we wait for the other shoe or hammer or whatever to come down on Friday.